Sunday, January 31, 2010

Snowed in Weekend

My low key snow weekend is almost over, and I'm closing it with a glass of wine & ProBowl/Grammy watching. While I was making dinner tonight (an awesome pasta dish with kielbasa and stewed tomatoes in vodka sauce,) Matt walked over to me, gave me a kiss, and told me how much he loves our life together and that he is so happy to be with me. When he says things like that, it makes me feel even better about the path my life has taken.

Since Matt is still in the process of getting his parking pass for Towson, I dropped him off at school during his first week. Friday he only had two classes, so I wandered around Walmart waiting for him to finish. Normally I would go to Target, but after going there the other days of the week, I think they might be suspicious as to why I've been spending so much time in their baby aisle. I fed Eve, drank a large cup of coffee, and had a phone date with Maria while I browsed the store. I thought the Super Walmart in NC was big, but this one had two stories. I got some babies things and couch pillows. Maria convinced me to put down the scale, because she's right, I'm not ready to judge myself every day. I need to except that I've had a baby and not pay attention to the numbers right now. Nine months to gain, nine months to lose right?

Later that day, I took the light rail to see Christina during her break at the aquarium. There's a little mall right across the street from it, so we browsed some stores and updated each other on our week. I hope to make it a weekly thing, because it's so nice to have girl time, and we both love wading in the nostalgia of college together.

I'm proud of myself, I did not do any clothes shopping. That does not mean I do not have my heart set on this really cute denim dress, it just means I will buy it at a later date :) I also love this Forever 21 wallet & might get it next Friday:

When I got back, Matt & I spent the rest of the evening playing with Eve and relaxing. After getting up early all week, we were worn out and went to bed early. What a wild and crazy Friday night haha.

It was nice being snowed in this weekend. I got a lot accomplished cleaning wise, our apartment is really starting to look like a home :) Ever since we moved here, cleaning, organizing, decorating, and cooking have become new hobbies of mine. I've become so domesticated haha. It was nice spending quality time together. We watched basketball, made fun of the Miss America pageant, and of course were entertained by Eve. There are days when I just cannot believe that this little person is my little person to take care of. That she has her own distinct personality, and I get to watch her develop it.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


"This is how we sometimes stumble onto the best moments of our lives: over committing, getting into more than we bargained for, letting life take is where it takes us and understanding, at least momentarily, that we are not nearly as much in the driver's seat as we think we are."

Friday, January 29, 2010

Loving Words

Matt told me, "If any girls at school try to hit on me, I'll just tell them 'Sorry, you're pretty and all, but until I watch you push my child out of your body, I just can't love you like I love my girlfriend.'" That quirky comment made me fall in love with him a little bit more.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

On my List

I'll admit, in the process of being a new parent, I lost myself a little. No longer can I go on shopping trips without watching my budget, because my money does not just belong to me now. I can't sit at Starbucks and lose myself in a book for half the day, because I have to be aware of the child sitting next to me, and her needs. When going out with friends, I'm constantly checking the time, feeling as though I can't be away from my daughter for too long. If she does not want to sleep in, Matt and I cannot sleep in. If she is hungry, we pause our dinner.

I asked myself, "what do you want?" and came up with one answer: for Eve to be happy and healthy. I was okay with the answer for awhile, until I realized I was asking myself the wrong question. That is what I want for her, but what do I want for myself? Having her needs met is important, but in doing so I will not meet my own. I had buried my goals, dreams, and daily desires because I felt like I had to, but all I needed to do was make extra room for the mother part of me.

I can spend a little bit of money on myself without feeling guilty. I don't have to forget my surroundings to enjoy coffee & a book. I can let myself have time with my friends and know that Eve is taken care of until I return. Broken sleep is inevitable, but that's why I have a coffee maker. And it would not be a "family dinner" without the demands for a bottle.

I'm excited to start working again, probably in the summer, but at the latest in the fall. Matt is going to take evening classes next semester so one of us can always be with Eve. In the next few years, I would like to go to graduate school for journalism. Someday I will write for a local newspaper or magazine. In the near future, I want to:

take a trip to the beach
have a bonfire with smores
bungee jumping
go to a hookah bar
ride rollercoasters at cedar point
see a show at a comedy club
sky diving
visit another country
have a palm reding
take a self defense class
try contemporary dance class (for beginners!)
pet a giraffe
go to an nfl game
enjoy every day with eve

Saturday, January 23, 2010


We have all heard the saying that, "happiness is a choice," but often it is subconsciously replaced with the idea that happiness should just fall into our lap. Why do we have to work towards feeling good, should it not just be our default mood? I realized last night that I have been mistaken; having happiness is no where near as rewarding as striving to have it. Merely possessing it is a plateau, but taking a daily course towards it feels so rewarding.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

My New Life as a Mother

A little less than a year ago, I was holding an EPT in my hand and hyperventilating. I went from being content with the place I was at in my life and excited about the limitless possibilities of my future, to having a never ending list of unanswered questions. I had a hard time letting go of my freedom, 23 year old fun, and small amount of responsibilities. I felt as though it all was taken away from me before I was ready. I still do sometimes. My life was no longer following the mapquest directions I had written out; it was making up its own course and I was not prepared to drive that way. My boyfriend had a point when he asked me, "how often do things happen exactly how we plan them?" I cannot think of one example.

Looking over at the beautiful tiny person sleeping next to me, I am okay with having to grow up faster. I am so blessed to have my two month old daughter, Eve. Every obstacle, critic, financial stress, and changed plan are easily trumped by dimpled baby smiles. Love is a strong force, and I do not mind having it steer for me.