On my List

I'll admit, in the process of being a new parent, I lost myself a little. No longer can I go on shopping trips without watching my budget, because my money does not just belong to me now. I can't sit at Starbucks and lose myself in a book for half the day, because I have to be aware of the child sitting next to me, and her needs. When going out with friends, I'm constantly checking the time, feeling as though I can't be away from my daughter for too long. If she does not want to sleep in, Matt and I cannot sleep in. If she is hungry, we pause our dinner.

I asked myself, "what do you want?" and came up with one answer: for Eve to be happy and healthy. I was okay with the answer for awhile, until I realized I was asking myself the wrong question. That is what I want for her, but what do I want for myself? Having her needs met is important, but in doing so I will not meet my own. I had buried my goals, dreams, and daily desires because I felt like I had to, but all I needed to do was make extra room for the mother part of me.

I can spend a little bit of money on myself without feeling guilty. I don't have to forget my surroundings to enjoy coffee & a book. I can let myself have time with my friends and know that Eve is taken care of until I return. Broken sleep is inevitable, but that's why I have a coffee maker. And it would not be a "family dinner" without the demands for a bottle.

I'm excited to start working again, probably in the summer, but at the latest in the fall. Matt is going to take evening classes next semester so one of us can always be with Eve. In the next few years, I would like to go to graduate school for journalism. Someday I will write for a local newspaper or magazine. In the near future, I want to:

take a trip to the beach
have a bonfire with smores
bungee jumping
go to a hookah bar
ride rollercoasters at cedar point
see a show at a comedy club
sky diving
visit another country
have a palm reding
take a self defense class
try contemporary dance class (for beginners!)
pet a giraffe
go to an nfl game
enjoy every day with eve